You will have to excuse me, this is my very first time even looking at a blog. I am not quite sure how they work or how to use one. I can tell you, however, what it is exactly that I want to accomplish with this blog.
I would like as much feedback as possible on the contents of this blog, you will see why later when the contents are revealed to you. I am also hoping that this will help me make some sense out of all the mess I have in my brain. This will, however, get very personal, so please...be as kind as you can but don't escape the truth. With that being said...
I did it! I finished the first four novels of my life. It may not seem much to some of you but for me, it is a huge accomplishment. You see, I have NEVER read anything in its entirety, ever. Not even through high school, I just read the clef notes. I am 33 years old and I just finished the first of four novels in my life about 2 weeks ago. Amazing huh? Now I am...at a loss for the way I feel though. Yes, there is definitely a since of accomplishment there but what else? I am almost afraid, in a way, scared of the feelings I have. Questioning the way I feel, is it right for me to feel this way? How could this story...or any story for that matter make me feel so crazy? I mean, other people respond this way, really? I went through a wave of emotions, some of which I have never had before. I quickly came to the realization that I was afraid because I had never had these kinds of feelings before. I was totally inspired! And, in several ways. I wanted to make so many changes in my life, all the sudden, and had no idea how to make those changes. Honestly, I am not even sure if these changes should be made, after all no one knows me better than myself. What would I do if I was successful with making these changes? Would I be the same person after these changes were complete? Then all at once, I understood what all this must of been leading to. I had NO freakin' idea who I was!! Then my head filled with questions. What about a story inspires? Is it conviction? Is it lust of a life you know you could never have? I didn't have the answers to any of these questions as it pertains to me but I knew I would have no problem answering this question for someone else. More questions came flooding in. What was it that I wanted so badly? Why do I all the sudden what it? I am too old for this crap! I am a wife and a mother of three; I just need to get over this. But there was a problem, I didn't want to get over this. I wanted more! I deserved more. I am not just "mom" or wife to my husband. I have my own name, and therefore, I must be my own person, with my own feelings. I realized at that point that I live my life through the people around me, my husband, my kids, and my family. I don't really have too many friends to speak of. No one that was designated for friend purposes only. I am going to have to fish through all of this on my own. Awesome. I am feeling inspired, motivated, wanting, and, to be completely honest, selfish (which completely goes against character). I had something in mind that I wanted to do and nothing was going to stand in my way of doing it. I want to write, I need to loose weight and workout. But all of this came to me in a weird way. I can't help but wonder (knowing myself the way I do) how long this was actually going to last. I read four books in 6 days and what, suddenly I was changed forever? Doubt it! I have always had some serious commitment issues. The longest thing so far to survive my wraths was my marriage and believe me when I say the word...survive! My husband is the one constant in my life. God love him, because only God knows what he goes through dealing with me. So, there you have it. As I read through those four faithful novels...I was inspired. Inspired to do several things. One- write a book. Which this is were you come in. Two-loose weight and get into shape. Again, insert you here. Three- journal to you about it. Everything, the good, the bad, and especially the ugly, which I assume there is going to be plenty of. Next, I will tell you about myself, that should be interesting enough for you. Maybe even a little unbelievable.
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